​Hello Y'all
 
        This is the first submission in what I've titled, DAVID GREENLEE'S PARADOX. Paradox by definition is, "a statement or proposition that, despite sound (or apparently sound) reasoning from acceptable premises, leads to a conclusion that seems senseless, logically unacceptable, or self-contradictory, but is the truth.
       God has been at work in my life. I've been disciplined, I've been loved, I've been carried and I've been blessed, with no respect to the order in which I've written that last sentence.
       One thing I know is that God has restored me just as He promised in Jeremiah Chapter 29, in the following verses, 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” 
            Jeremiah was originally speaking of Israel and their 70 year captivity in Babylon, but as we know God's word is intended to be used by all generations of man. I can relate to what the Israelites were experiencing. Like the Israelites needed to recognize, as I must recognize is that the feelings experienced were brought about by my behavior. They were not of God's doing. God did exactly what he promised, He carried me through my mistakes and used them to open my eyes.
        When I went to the Substance Abuse Felony Punishment Facility in Richmond, Texas, I felt like I had been banished and exiled, as well I should have for my behavior. While I was there God was there, using every person at that facility to teach, encourage and discipline.
           I will admit this though, the state of Texas needs to decide what they want to accomplish with their SAFPF program. Those in charge of creating these programs have confused themselves by trying to cater to the wishes of everyone from Evangelical Christians to the ACLU.
       The Texas SAFPF programs are what is described in the Bible as, "5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.6 They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, 7 always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth." Another words, they like to talk about God but leave it up to each messed up individual there, including myself, to decide what God is for themselves.
            Even so God used my going through SAFPF to begin a work within my spirit. Why did God do this? God did it because I humbled myself, acknowledged God, and then pursued His will in my life so that somehow I could be used to build God's spiritual kingdom. This wasn't and isn't an easy thing to do. My life didn't turn into a dream life. That is never going to happen on this earth. True Christians know that.
            I have had to allow myself to be vulnerable in order to learn what God would teach me. But even in that vulnerability God is protecting me. I believe that God has revealed a glimpse of His plans for me, and within that glimpse I was able to see a hope and a future. He will do that with each and everyone of y'all if you use your free will and allow yourself to be vulnerable.
            It has been a fight against myself, my wants, my weaknesses, my greed, my seeking pleasure. In all that, God pretty much let me beat myself up, while He protected me and just picked me up and moved me from place to place.
            I came back from the SAFPF program sincerely believing that God had changed me and that my future was set. I had returned to Hamilton, Texas and would be blazing into the future to be the over comer and witness that God had intended me to be. That didn't quite happen.
            I fell right into satan's illusion and it wasn't long before I relapsed. I ignored the relapse until one night God brought me back to reality. I had indulged thinking it's going to be okay, this is just part of what God is doing to strengthen my faith and bring me through this. But what was really happening was me doing what I wanted and trying to justify it by saying this had to happen.
            I was taught in the SAFPF program you will relapse, and when you did, use your coping skills to see you through. Then there's no harm done to anyone or anything. That in itself is a twisted concept but again that's what happens when you develop curriculum to supposedly work for everybody.  I did one thing right when I returned to Hamilton, Texas. I clung ever so tightly to my faith in God. How? I prayed and insisted on reading the scripture daily. I stuck to the basics of being a Christian.
            One night was my slap in the face awakening me to the reality of what I was doing. Not God, not anyone else, just me. I had plans for the evening and had indulged my addiction, allowing myself the "freedom in Christ," to make mistakes and cover it with "Gods, grace is sufficient." You'll see what I mean further on. God being God, He never quit speaking to me, and my eyes opened to what I was doing.
          I was near a friend's house, a good Christian man when the thought, "What are you doing? You can't drive like you are, You're handling your vehicle great. Obeying the speed limit, staying a proper distance between vehicles in my lane. But if I had to make an instant decision like all drivers do, I probably wouldn't make the one I was capable of making when sober.
            If an accident did occur I could control myself enough to pass the tests, etc, etc. Truth be known I probably could've but I would have known that I had betrayed a part of my life that God had made possible for me. God saw me through some intensive driver training in the past that once instilled did give one the ability to seemingly avoid the unavoidable, and I crippled that ability.
          God saw to it that I went to this Christian man, 'fessed up, and asked him to drive me home, where I would soon be sitting and talking to my parents. Parents that are far from perfect, but the parents God knew I would need before I was born.
            On the way home as a passenger I felt the need to pray with a man whom God had appointed, and I trusted that God would give me the message I needed to hear. I had three pastors in my cell phone contacts and I wasn't excited about approaching any of them.
            First one up, no answer. The second one, answered told me where he was and that he would wait there for me. What he had to say to me wasn't what I wanted to hear but I needed to accept that it was words God intended for me. The third one answered the phone and prayed with me over the phone. I know that at that point in time each one of those men gave to me the message I needed to hear. No I'm not sharing any details about who did what.
            Once back home I confessed to my parents, and at age 57 I have no business living in their home, but the why of that is for another place, another time.
            I was home, and I thanked God for safely bringing me home. After that...I indulged again. I'm shaking my head and saying, "No, no, you stupid idiot what are you doing?" The night was not yet done-I'm sorry y'all this is all the time God has allowed for me to write on this day. I will finish this with my next post but right now I gotta' go. I hope your life treats you well. Keep praying and studying the Bible. Are y'all starting to get the idea why I call my life David Greenlee's Paradox?